This time 10 years ago I was living in a very silent world, well at least silent externally  (more about that later!). It’s mid March 2009, and I’m cloistered up in a Vipassana meditation centre perched on the side of a Himalayan foothill, overlooking to city of Kathmandu, Nepal.

Vipassana. Some of you have heard of it. Some of you have done it. Vipassana is a 10-day meditation retreat, meditating 10 hours a day, and keeping noble silence throughout.

In the land of the highest mountains in the world, emerging from 100 hours of meditation feels akin to climbing Mount Everest. Here are some lessons I gleaned from those 10 days.

1. How Ridiculous Comparisons Are

In theory you know that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but we do it none-the-less. What I witnessed on the final day of Vipassana really drove home the pure hilarity and ridiculousness (is that a word?) of comparing ourselves to others.

For the 10 days, we were not allowed communicate with our fellow meditators. Not even make eye contact. We are all sitting next to each other on our respective meditation mats for 10 hours a day – closed eyes and cross-legged, trying to stay as still as possible and maintain optimum inner focus and concentration. 

So here I am having a particularly distracted hour of meditation. I’m really uncomfortable and moving my legs to ease the pain. I’m looking at my watch and willing the time to be over. Casting my eyes around the meditation hall, I’m wondering if I can see anyone else who is as rubbish at this meditation business as I am. But no. Alas, all the other 100 people appear to be the picture of serenity – perfect sitting Buddhas! I’m angry at myself. I’m jealous. I’m even secretly willing someone to move or sigh to make me feel better!

Day 10 arrives and we are all finally allowed talk to each other. Then the truth emerges! EVERY SINGLE PERSON I talked to, thought the other was the expert meditator, and made themselves feel bad and useless in the process. In fact, the girl sitting on the cushion in front of me never heard me moving or shuffling and had herself convinced that in comparison, she was not progressing as she should in this meditation thing.

Everyone experienced the same things, but at different stages: pain, boredom, frustration, peace. It made this game of comparing ourselves to others seem really ridiculous.

How about instead of comparing ourselves to others, we compare our present self to our past self: Am I more peaceful? Happier? Healthier? More helpful? More kind? etc.

How liberating to free ourselves from useless comparisons with others.

2. Happiness Does Not Exist In Time

One thing you begin to realize pretty early on in the 10 days, is that your mind can be a crazy, chaotic place, full of so much useless and distracting noise.

For instance. I’m sitting on my mat trying to meditate, but instead, I’m thinking about how much I’m looking forward to dinner. Then I start to crave dinner, thinking how good that dal bhat (rice and lentils) will taste, and how I want to be there now, having that experience. Fast forward and I’m actually in the canteen eating dinner. But instead of being content and enjoying my food, my thoughts are wandering off again somewhere else – how I need to do some handwashing, or wishing it was nearly bedtime. etc. etc. It never stops.

The more I witness the chatter of the mind, the more I realise how it loves to chase happiness. Happiness and contentment is never here and now, but something to be found at some other time. We are so good at wishing away time, that we never truly experience this moment. That’s a scary realization.

This is exactly why we meditate. To train ourselves to be present in this moment. To focus on the incoming and outgoing breath. To just be where we are in this moment. Slowly, we begin to stop projecting happiness and contentment into some future time, and just be where we are right now. What a relief!

3. Be Friendly to You

Have you ever noticed how you speak to yourself? With 10 hours spent dwelling in your inner world each day, you really begin to notice.

So I’m having a hard time meditating. My focus is scattered and my body is achy. Then the thoughts arise: “Why can’t you do this? You’re so useless. Your mind is so weak. Why aren’t you as good as everyone else?”

Listen to what you are saying to yourself. Would you talk to your friend in this way? Would you tell your friend how useless she is and how everyone else is probably better than her?! No! So why on earth do we say these things to ourselves?

We all need to be our own best friend. To be kind to ourselves, no matter what the circumstance. Be aware of what we are saying to ourselves, and if it is bad, change it.

4. You Are Always New

Buddhist teachings focus a lot on the Law of Impermanence. Goenkaji, the Vipassana teacher, over and over again, constantly throughout the 10 days mutters the words “Anitya, Anitya, Anitya” – Pali for “Changing, Changing, Changing”. If you’ve done a Vipassana course, it’s likely these words are somehow embedded into the deep recesses of your mind!!

The Law of Impermanence says that everything in material reality is constantly changing. Buddha, during his meditations, felt each cell of his body arise and pass away at every moment. In the last century, the scientific community discovered this law of flux – the ongoing change and renewal of each and every atom in the universe, about a trillion (or so!) times a second. The Law of Impermanence is indeed very real and literal.

During the 10 day meditation course we are taught a technique to observe sensations on and in the body. After a few days of practice and keen attention, you begin to feel each cell of your body changing at a fast rate. Micro-sensations constantly changing on and in your body. Biochemical reactions arising and passing away. You begin to directly experience this law of constant change.

What this experience helped me understand firsthand, is that in reality (in our physical form), we really are a different person each and every second. So we are always new. We are always fresh. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, it is still true.

We can always start over. At every second. On each new breath.

5. Watch Out For Judgement

The majority of the meditators were local Nepalese, and of these, about half were middle to old age. Each and every meditation session after mealtimes, there emerged from this group, a synphony of burping and farting. And very loud too!

So it’s the session after lunch, and one woman in particular is rumbling continuously in loud echoing belches and gas expulsions! I form the clear internal remark to myself of how rude and ignorant this behaviour is. Then, BAM! Immediately after entertaining this thought (like within seconds), I get an unmerciful ‘wind pain’ – where I would have given anything to burp or fart to relieve it!!

Karma is very real!! Be careful of the judgements you make or actions you take against others. At some stage or another, whether immediate or not, you will be taught the lesson back!

6. Watch Out For Ignorance

It’s the final day and we can finally all talk to each other. The subject of the meditation hall post meal ‘sound effects’ comes up. Most were disgusted by it. Some were distracted by it. But one girl had a different viewpoint. This German girl shared with us how she had just come from living in a remote Nepalese village before coming to do this 10-day Vipassana course, and that intestinal and stomach parasites are common among the rural population. This causes a lot of pain and wind.

Hmmm … Who’s ignorant now?! You may not always be privy to all the information at a particular time, but you should always give people the benefit of the doubt.

7. The Gift of People

Never underestimate the joy and healing of simple human interaction. Being able to speak and share and laugh with people after 10 days of silence was like the excitement and delight of a child on Christmas morning. So beautiful. Something I had taken for granted before then.

8. The Gift of Silence

We are social creatures, and that’s beautiful. But in our society all prominence is given to human interaction and very little to being with the self. It is a very special and precious thing to be in silence with the self.

While it was delightful to interact with these lovely people after 10 days of silence, we all noticed how easily we were slipping right back into the noise of doing versus the silence of being.

It’s evening time on our last day and we’re all chatting in the canteen. Amid our laughing, joking and sharing, we look outside and notice that the sun has gone and it’s already getting dark. In that moment we realise we missed the sunset. We missed that special time of being with the beauty and silence of sunset. Something we all individually cherished dearly for the past 9 days.

It really is ok to be by yourself and want to be by yourself at times. In fact, it is really necessary.

9. You Are Always Stronger Than You Think You Are

You are more than you appear to be. All the world’s strength and power rests in you.

Robin S. Sharma

This quote really helped me climb the Everest of 10-day Vipassana. And it really is true. Just when you think you’ve reached your limit, you find the strength somewhere to continue. Never underestimate yourself. There are hidden reserves of strength, perseverance and patience within.

10. Be Aware Of How You Influence People – Smile!

In conversations on the final day, one Dutch girl was discussing how difficult the 10 days were for her. In particular, she found day 9 and 10 the most difficult to get through. Why? On the morning of day 9, the English girl in the dorm bed next to her left the centre unexpectedly. This English girl used to give her dorm buddy a smile every morning when their eyes mistakingly made contact. This gave the Dutch girl the will and energy to continue her meditation and silence each day.

When this simple smile was taken out of her mornings for the last 2 days, she really felt the effects. How something so simple, just a smile, could mean so much and have such an impact (and how this English girl may never know the effect she had). It made me think of how we should be more aware of how we influence people. And to smile!!

May All Beings Be Happy

Namaste,

Brenda.

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If you would like more information about Vipassana meditation, or find out where you can attend a Vipassana course near you, visit: http://www.dhamma.org/

Thanks to Babaji Leonard for these gorgeous images of Boudhanath Stupa shared here in this blog post. Follow his award-winning photography on Instagram @babajileonard